UPDATE, DECEMBER 5, 2016: Western Carolina University announced today that Jan O’Brien had passed away. It’s important to note this story is about the summer of 2014, when Jan’s passing was erroneously reported.
Jan will always be a cherished part of my college years, and I am deeply saddened to hear she’s passed away. I will always be grateful, however, of the chance I got to tell her how important she was to so many of us before it was too late. –jdh
A journey to say goodbye to a campus legend–before it’s too late.
THIS STORY BEGINS SIXTEEN YEARS AGO, the fall of 1998, when I was a high school senior visiting my college sophomore girlfriend at Western Carolina. We were kids, so we were drawn like moths to the flame by the on-campus Chick-fil-a, where fried chicken sandwiches wrapped in foil bags sat under heat lamps, waiting for us to collect them and pay for them with a mysterious and seemingly inexhaustible supply of declining balance points.
We’d gathered our meals and headed for check-out, and that’s the first time I met Jan O’Brien, the infamous register attendant in the University Center food court. She was an older lady, short but strong stature, white, curly hair, and a vibrant smile, which she flashed warmly to me. “Hello, sweetheart!” she said.
“Hi, Jan!” Kelly said back to her.
I grinned. “What, no ‘sweetheart’ for me?”
She laughed, and then she called me sweetheart. We chatted, and then we checked out, and we ate, and the next year I came back to Western Carolina as a freshman. Jan was still there, and she called me sweetheart. She called me that for the next four years.
“Mary Jane’s Last Dance” was playing on the speakers, Tom Petty’s scratchy voice full of ache and regret. We were young. We felt dangerous.
There’s a good summer rain starting to fall, the kind where the sky gets fast-dark and the rain falls in grape-sized pellets, spread out at first, a couple of splatters here and there, separated by yards in distance, plopping down on the bread-oven asphalt outside. From there, it spreads into a little dollop and evaporates, and the smell of fresh rain coming up off the blacktop takes me back to an amusement park, back when I was in the eighth grade.
We were all there with our school, an end-of-year celebration trip of sorts that amounted to a funny sort of adolescent culmination, a dash of grown-up freedom to wander on our own in a theme park full of childhood conquests. It makes sense when you’re thirteen.
It rained. It was the summertime kind of rain, the kind I described above, and my friends and I were somewhere on the edge of the park, a small core of friends connected by the fast-evaporating bonds of middle school.
Yesterday during church, the lector read the day’s scripture, and my heart skipped a beat, because the passage was from the fifth chapter of Romans. And it took me a minute to remember that this made sense, because three years ago, we were here in the same place in the calendar. Your mother and I were together in her hospital room, exhausted, and you were resting a couple hundred yards away, down a maze of linoleum-lined corridors and behind a bunch of doors marked “No Entry,” tucked away in your preemie isolette, our little four-pound miracle that couldn’t be stopped.
I was overwhelmed by the day. I had practiced over and over in my mind the theory that I would be a father, that one day you would arrive, and something would trigger within me, and that would be it: I would be declared a parent. Your timing woke us up early, rushed us to one hospital and then another before you dove, bent double, towards us, and then the doctors had to hurry to pluck you out before it was too late.
It wasn’t too late. It was too early–but you paid no attention to the fact that you were seven weeks sooner than we were planning for, and suddenly I was deemed a father, you were our daughter, and I was collapsed in a chair across from your mother’s bed, my phone in my hand, my head spinning as I looked for some truth for the day. And that day, the reading I pulled up was in the fifth chapter of Romans:
“We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame.”
And here we are: today you turn three years old.
You are a smart, agile, and often fearless kiddo whose sense of timing makes her truly funny for a toddler. You are charmingly polite. You can kick a soccer ball with gusto, and you can sing your ABCs and count to twenty.
Want to know something, though? You are a gorgeous little girl. I never thought I would have a daughter as beautiful as you. I figured that between your mother and me, we could raise a kid who had some sense, a kid who might just be smart or gifted or artistic. Those are all things I imagined we could nurture to a certain extent. But you have a grandeur that surprised me, at least in the sense of genetics. I credit your mother’s strong chromosomes for keeping mine at bay.
Fathers aren’t supposed to only focus upon their daughters’ inherent beauty, though–and that’s why I make sure to mention your other graces. We are to enable you to feel as capable as anyone or anything; we are to ready you for a world that will demand from you all of your talents.
And–already–my heart aches a bit at the prospect of letting go, little by little, of the tight grasp my heart keeps around yours.
Already, at only three, I can see your emerging independence, your strong spirit, your eagerness to venture further and further into new, uncharted waters. You have shed so much of the vulnerability we assigned you three years ago in a neonatal intensive care unit. You have catapulted into being and taken up every square inch of space within your name.
For a moment at your birth we thought we had lost you already. Through the course of that day, we felt suffering and began to know perseverance. Through the weeks that followed, we came to know your character, and we began to fill ourselves with great hope. We prayed and prayed along the way.
And so far, Jules, you’ve never put us to shame. Happy birthday, my love.
